I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize