Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
