Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I will pee on everything he values.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
