I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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