Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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