I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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