I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
