Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There r osticjed everywhere
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
