Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
honey bunches of taint.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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