my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We need to rekindle our bromance
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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