based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize