talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
