Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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