i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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