all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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