we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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