need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
