I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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