I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
