i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
