Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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