Jerry, you need to find god
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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