What a fucking waste of an outfit
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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