youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
