So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
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They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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