you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
