Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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