Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
and she was petting her beer can
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
