you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
bring money and cleavage
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
