yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
