I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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