Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The uberlube is also flammable
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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