btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
