areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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