I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
