I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
