Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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