somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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