fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
