I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
