another moral hangover. fuck.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
