Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
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If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
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we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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