party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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