yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
