help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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