For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
