It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
