He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
