OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
