i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
