She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink