first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.