I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...