Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.