i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Semen is not good for contacts.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.