office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.