Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
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I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
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That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to