You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
