Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
