Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
