We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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