Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
