dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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