did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
