Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
