If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Randomize
