yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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