I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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