So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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