Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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