it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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