my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
