Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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