Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
