After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize