Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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