Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
