do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
