Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
